analysis good will hunting

analysis good will hunting

If I Change, Will I Be Myself?


This is one of the questions I’m occasionally asked in counseling. The question is both strange and intriguing. I find it strange because the person asking has obviously come for counseling to change something in their life, but often what they want to change is a circumstance or another person. When I suggest that they might want to change, they react with fear. “If I change will I be myself?”
    “Well, if you change or don’t change, are you every bit yourself? The person you’d like to “change” is not here, and so I can’t work with them, so why not change yourself.”
    One client asked, “If I change, let’s say, put on a happier disposition rather than respond to life with my pessimism and skepticism, am I not lying to myself? Am I not putting on character expressions that are not true of my personality?”
    Who says you should not be happy? Who says your downgraded demeanor is the way you should be? It’s possible that the personality is so distorted you don’t even really know who you are?
    The ability to change often depends upon who and what you’re changing for. If you’re changing your character expression to impress a girl, better to remain as you are. Not many people can sustain a mask beyond a few years. Eventually, who you are will show forth. The mask wears thin or cracks.
    “If I change will I be myself.” People ask the question with seriousness, and I can appreciate the question, but I wonder, do they even know who they are? When I ask the question, “Who are you? What do you know of yourself?” probably one in ten can rhyme off a list.
    One such person who knew himself well surprised me with his answer. “I’m soft spoken, easy going, not demonstrative. I have a low-key personality. I usually react to situations with calm. I’m not easily ruffled and I don’t fly off the handle. I’m very patient. I like consistency and routine. I’m quiet, but watch out, I’m also witty. I’ll come up with something...