augustine

augustine

I found the autobiography which St. Augustine wrote to be an interesting, realistic and sad account of what living with a spiritual deficiency feels like.   I am more and more amazed as I read these ancient works as to how the human condition and search for GOD has not changed.   Augustines angst over his own human errors, like stealing pears, and reactions to the actions is driven by a fear deep in his gut.   The fear that many philosophers and mystics have written about time and time again.   The fear in my own words, which may not do it justice, would be described as the humanly desire to understand, acquire and harness a power most call GOD, knowing that this is impossible to ever fully achieve or   understand.   Any attempt to define an infinite power will fall short.

I have spent the last thirteen years in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction and can see myself and most of the people I have met it Augustines story. His honest accounts of his sexual obsession and sexual conduct are true to form as interpreted by modern psychologists.   We all have the same pattern.   A pattern of not trusting ourselves or the world around us, most have described this from childhood.   When the pressure to feel satisfied or happy becomes too great we have resorted to addictive behaviors. I think that Augustine would be labeled today as an adult child of an alcoholic and domestic violence survivor, this would be the fuel firing his general dissatisfaction and dis-ease.   It is true that the obsessions switch from one substance or behavior to another, relentlessly.   We all have some fundamental idea that GOD is the answer but no practical ability to put the answer into play.   The obsession has no concrete patterns and results vary greatly from person to person as to when and if the spiritual reconfiguration occurs.   All the people I know who are in recovery have had a very similar experience to Augustines garden experience.   The frustration and sickness peaks and finally a...